slimandsexy

Well hello all of my fellow buddyslimmers!  I know it’s been a while since I’ve been on, but I’ve been trying not to come on here at work (although I just couldn’t resist today) and then when I’m home I’m usually hanging out with my roommates or checking my email or facebook or myspace or paying bills…I kind of forget about the site when I’m home.  I’m going to try and change that though because I think it’d be good for me to write a few times a week.

So, I was never one to believe that you need to find something that you love to do for exercise and then it won’t feel like a chore.  I don’t like going to the gym and I don’t like playing sports.  I like to swim, but I don’t have a pool and I get uncomfortable with even thinking about going to the public pool.  Well, last week I started a hip hop dance class and I love it!  And it’s a great workout!  I was so sore all weekend.  For warmups we didn’t just stretch, but we also did crunches, pushups and jumping jacks and then lots of dancing.  I go again tonight and I can’t wait!  For the fall semester I need to find out how much it costs, but I think I’m going to sign up for hip hop, ballet, and tap…that’s 3 days/week that I will WANT to exercise!  I might cancel my gym membership too because I rarely ever go and although it isn’t expensive, it is money that I seem to be wasting that I really shouldn’t.  I also have a whole bunch of workout dvds that I love (and more that I want), but I don’t really use them either.  I need to get my butt in gear and get moving.  I totally recommend everyone to take a dance class if they want to.  I was extremely nervous about it because I’m so self-conscious, but I’m 26 and there were women in their 40s there…only 6 of us in the class and everyone’s really nice…I have no idea why I was so nervous!  It’s a blast!

So this coming Saturday is the official break up day between my BF and I .  For those that don’t know anything about me, my BF and I have had an on-again/off-again relationship for almost 8 years.  All throughout college we were together, doing the long distance thing and then he bought a house and we moved in together.  We were engaged a few times and I moved out about a year and a half ago and then moved back in with him after a year and now 6 months later, I’m moving out yet again.  It is time for me to move on and focus on me.  In the past I would normally spend a lot of time eating fast food and ice cream and drinking and pretty much being a bit self destructive.  Not this time!  This time I have a plan.  I am going to lose weight and feel better about myself.  I am going to pick myself up and say, “what can I do for ME?”  The place I’m moving to I lived before with 3 roommates.  It’s not the easiest to keep healthy food when there’s not much room in the fridge and when you have roommates who don’t like to do dishes after they cook, there usually aren’t many clean pots and pans.  So my plan is to have slim fast for breakfast and lean cuisine/smart ones/healthy choice meals for lunch and dinner.  This way I don’t have to worry about food going bad and I don’t even have to worry about preperation.  I need this very simple plan to stay focused…I really think it’ll help me from straying around the supermarket and being tempted by bad foods and it’ll help me stay away from the drive thru on my way home from work.  That’s the other thing…I plan on packing my gym bag every day and hitting the gym right after work…no excuses.  I’m also thinking about going to cosmetology school which will take up a good amount of time (and I won’t be able to go to the gym after work, but maybe before hand), but the key right now I think is STRUCTURE.  I’m looking forward to starting my new life.  I’m focusing on this, so as not to fall into that horrible depression.  I will come out a better and stronger person. 

Hey buddies!  I know it’s been a while…a little over a month now.  The last time I blogged I was talking about my bday party and how I wanted to lose weight for it…well, that didn’t happen, but I had a fabulous time!  My Roaring 20s theme was absolutely fantastic!  I had a really great turn out.  It would’ve been better though if I hadn’t drank so many dirty martinis and actually ate some of the food I cooked.  :o/  I ended up getting really sick later that night and pretty much all the next day…not good.  From that I actually dropped like 4lbs and have kept it off!  I was avoiding the scale for a while because I wasn’t really watching what I was eating and I wasn’t hitting the gym as often, but not only did those 4lbs stay off, but I had lost another 1 or 2 as well.  I’m not quite back to my plan yet, but I’m working up to it.  Life has been pretty crazy.  I haven’t been sleeping…too much stress.  The BF and I broke up…I’ll be moving out of his house on the 25th and then I’m totally going to hit the gym like 5 days a week and I’ll mainly be eating lean cuisines, so I’m ready for a big change.  I’m glad to be back and I can’t wait to see more progress!

Wow…this is a first for me.  This afternoon I turned down chinese food and when I got home BF and I were supposed to go to the gym, but I was extremely crampy from TOM so as soon as he said that he was thinking about going to the bar after work and then getting chinese food, I jumped on that and said, “Well, we can not go to the gym and you can get chinese food.” Then he said something about how he could get chinese tomorrow and I said that I thought we were going to the gym tomorrow and he was like “I don’t know…” So I said, well, if we’re only going to the gym today OR tomorrow, I’d rather go tomorrow because I don’t feel that great.  So he said ok. We took our showers and then it was like, “well, what do you want to do for dinner?”  BF threw around some ideas…eggs, slimfast, Italian (that delivers and is the best Italian in town),…” Then I went back and forth forever about do we get Italian or don’t we? Then I thought well, we can split something and it won’t be that bad, but then I decided that what we would have gotten really wouldn’t have been worth the calories for me, so I said maybe we’ll get Italian over the weekend when we can both order something that we really want and have it be worth it. I could tell that he was disappointed, but I feel happy in my choice.  I’ve actually had quite a few calories already today and probably shouldn’t eat anything else, but I’m currently drinking a glass of wine and I’ll probably have a bag of 100 calorie popcorn in a little bit.  So, whereas I feel really bad about not hitting the gym tonight, I’m happy that I said no to italian.

Ok, so a little while back I wrote a blog about how my birthday is motivating me to stay on track…well, I haven’t been completely on track.  This past weekend TOM showed up and it was UGLY!  Probably the worst in a few months (particularly since last month he never showed up).  So, he’s slowly going away…probably (hopefully) just another day or two and I’m already feeling 80% better than I did yesterday.  This weekend actually wasn’t so bad…at least, not as bad as I used to be on the weekends…I did indulge in some mashed potatoes and some fried food and some sweets, but I’m putting that behind me now and I don’t even really feel guilty about it.  I did binge and I did have some restraint, so I think this past weekend was a success.

HOWEVER, my goal was to get to 185 by 3/14…so right now, that’s 4lb/wk.  I know that’s not really healthy, but I’m still keeping that as my goal.  I’ll be happy if I get to 189, but I’m really aiming for that 185 to show up on Saturday morning, the day of my 20s themed bday party.  So here’s to the birthday bootcamp!  My plan is to stay away from carbs…all except 1-2 drinks on Friday and Saturday nights.  Eat lean meat and stay between 1200 and 1500 calories per day.  I will work out for 30-60 minutes in the morning before work at least twice a week.  I will hit the gym for at least 60 minutes 4 x per week.  I am ready to do this!  I am ready to reach this goal!  There is no room for straying from the plan and no excuses will be accepted.  I am ready to kick my own ass into shape…LITERALLY!  Hehe.

:-/  I did something bad…I ate a boston creme donut this morning.  I couldn’t resist! Well, I’m sure I could have…stupid boss for bringing in the temptation. It was goooooood though. I really wanted to go back for another donut too, but before I did, I went into my food journal and logged everything I knew I was going to eat and realized that there is no room for empty donut calories…especially if BF and I go to the wine bar later tonight…then I’ll have empty alcohol calories, which I much prefer over the donut. So I logged everything that I was going to eat today (not including wine, but including a dirty vodka martini) and I’m at about 1500 calories…higher than I’d like if we’re going to be drinking tonight, but I refuse to go over 2000 calories. Maybe I’ll skip the Bang Bang shrimp at Bonefish Grill tonight…although I do love them…it is like 350 calories though for one serving (which is 1/4 of what you get, so it’s like 2-3 shrimp).  Yeah…maybe I’ll just eat one to satisfy my craving, but then I wonder if I could stop myself with just one.  Hmmm…maybe I’ll cut out calories elsewhere, although for lunch I have 2 cups of garden salad (dark leafy greens, broccoli, tomato, cucumber) and homemade chicken salad made with light mayo and the chicken was baked without butter or oil so that’s already pretty low in calories. I also have some turkey and cheese that I plan on eating, and that’s about 250 calories..maybe I’ll only eat either the turkey and cheese or the chicken salad.  I don’t know.  I shouldn’t have had that stupid donut (although I was tempted to grab another when I walked by the kitchen…ack! It’s going to be a tough day).

Ok, so for those of you out there who know things about heart rate, I have a question. Being overweight (very overweight…196 on a 4′11 frame) my heart rate is kind of high just doing regular things.  For example, yesterday I was at the gym and I was on the treadmill.  I had it at an incline of 2 and I was walking at 2.5mph, which is a little faster than I normally walk, but not speed walking.  Well, when I checked my heart rate using the sensors, it was about 135…the chart on the treadmill says for “weight loss” it should be about 125 and for “cardio” it should be about 155 I think…these numbers are also just based on a person’s age, mine being 25. So it’s already a little high. I want to start running…I’ve always wanted to run, but I have a really hard time because I’m so out of shape and overweight. Yesterday I was determined to run for 1 minute…so I was at an incline of 2 and I ran for 1 minute at 4.3mph.  Well, I thought I was going to DIE! I had a really hard time breathing and my heart rate got up to 192! I checked to see how long it took for it to come down…I think it was down to about 140 after 5 minutes of walking. Now, I know this isn’t very good. My question is if it’s ok if I keep trying to run and will my heart rate improve or should I wait for my heart rate to improve before I try running. Also, it seems like the higher your heart rate, the more calories you’d be burning, but I don’t think the calorie counter on the treadmill factors your heart rate in. It’s all a little confusing. Sometimes when I’m on the treadmill I’ll walk at 3mph and increase the incline by 1 after every 5 minutes until I hit an incline of 6 and then I start going back down. At the peak my heart rate gets up to about 170. I don’t know what’s the best thing for me to do. I’ve used the elliptical and my heart rate gets really high and then it tells me to slow down, but then I feel like I’m barely doing anything, even though my heart rate is up. Also when I use the elliptical, one of my legs starts to fall asleep after about 15 minutes…does this happen to anyone else?  Am I using it wrong?  Is it poor circulation?

 Anyway, sorry for the long blog, but I’d really like some ideas about this whole heart rate thing. I know there are a few trainers on here and I’d really like your input.  Thanks in advance!

Yesterday my plan was to go to the gym after work and then eat some tuna and green beans.  Well, on my way home, my best friend called me and told me that her grandmother passed away (actually, it was her great grandmother who raised her).  It wasn’t unexpected.  She was 93 and she found out that she had brain cancer.  She was in the hospital last week and they moved her to hospice care, so it was only a matter of time.  She was the best though.  She was the typical all american grandmother…the grandmother that I only wish I had.  She would make the best gingerbread cookies and make us Velveeta Shells & Cheese and let us eat in the living, on the floor, under the table, watching 3-2-1 Contact.  She would make our “beds” of blankets and pillows on the living room floor and make us popcorn with an old fashioned popcorn maker and put an entire stick of butter in it.  She would watch our dances that we made up to Michael Jackson and the Eurythmics (sp?).  She made our Halloween costumes, turning our ballet costumes into bunny costumes.  She would make us hot chocolate with a dollop of fluff during the winter and she would make us root beer floats in the summer, along with little versions of what we were eating/drinking for our Barbies.  She hemmed my dress and shortened the straps on my prom dress.  Then my best friend and I lost touch.  Just a few years ago we ran into each other at the local Walmart after not talking to each other in about 5 years and we went right back to being best friends.  Her grandmother came to visit and I came over to see her and we played Scrabble and I was so close to beating her, but everyone knows that no one can beat her at Scrabble.  And now she’s gone.  I don’t necessarily feel an extreme sadness for her because I know she lived a very good life and I don’t think she suffered, but when someone that you know passes away it makes you think of all of the other things in your life…others that have passed, the way your life is going and the direction it’s moving in, the loved ones you have in your life, the way your relationships are, etc.  On the way home, (I have an hour drive, so a lot of time to think about things…usually not so good) I thought about how I didn’t want to go to the gym.  I wanted to go to Chili’s and eat yummy bad for me food and I knew that it was emotional.  I knew that I shouldn’t do it.  I knew that I should recognize that eating wasn’t going to solve anything, but I couldn’t get the thought out of my head that it would make me feel better, even though I knew that that wasn’t good and I shouldn’t look to food to make me feel better.  When I got home I told my BF that she had passed and he said that it was too bad and then he said that we should get ready to go to the gym.  Well, we go upstairs and I take my shoes off and before anything else, I say that I don’t want to go.  He says that we didn’t go last night and you said that we would go Tuesday and Thursday.  I said that I know, but I don’t want to go…I’m sad.  He asked why I didn’t say anything and I said it was because I didn’t want to cry.  He came over and gave me a hug and started talking about what I wanted to do instead…if I wanted Chinese or Chili’s or italian food (he knows that food makes me happy, which also can’t be a good thing).  He asked if I wanted to go visit his grandmother (who lives a mile down the road with his mom).  I gave into my emotions and said I wanted to go to Chili’s and so we went.  We each had two drinks (vodka and diet coke) and we split a meal and dessert (between the two of us we actually only ate half of the dessert).  When we got home we watched some tv and at 8:30 I said I was going to go upstairs and read then go to bed.  I probably went to bed about 9:30 and I was supposed to get up at 5:30 this morning to work out, but I didn’t…I stayed in bed until 6:35 and also thought about calling into work (I didn’t though because I have this huge sense of responsibility and never call out of work unless I’m really sick…and even then I feel guilty about it).  So here I am, at work, writing this blog, feeling sad about everything and having a million thoughts go through my head (especially about my relationship with my BF and where it’s going and if it’s really as good of a relationship as I deserve), and I’m beating myself up about giving into my emotions and the idea that food will make me feel better.  It did make me feel a little better…before I made the decision to skip the gym, I thought about walking on the treadmill and just bursting into tears…that wouldn’t have been good.  So here I am, feeling sad and kind of lost.  I’m not going to the gym tonight either because I’m going over to my friend’s house to talk to her and give her daughter her bday present.  I do have healthy food with me though, so that’s one plus.  I just hate being so emotional…my oldest sister would say it’s because we’re Pisces and she’s probably right.  Stupid zodiac.

Official weigh in this morning and I’m down 3 more lbs!  Woohoo!  I’m so excited…and I just can’t hide it…  That is total motivation to keep going.  I totally thought I would be back up to 200+, but nope!  I managed to lose!  I’m now doing no/low carb until my party so this morning I had cottage cheese for breakfast and I plan on eating turkey and american cheese rolls for snacks and dinner and for lunch I have a great big salad with some homemade chicken salad.  Yesterday I actually started the no/low carb and I didn’t eat much until about 8pm and I was in such a bad mood thinking about all the food that I wasn’t going to get to eat.  I really tried remembering that food doesn’t make me happy.  I think part of it was that I was just really hungry because for breakfast I had 3 turkey and cheese rolls and then I put laundry away and went to the gym and when I got home I baked chicken and showered, so then about 2:30 I had steak and broccoli raab that was leftover from Friday night and then I made my salad and chicken salad…about 4pm I was starving, but I had to go to my friend’s house to feed her kitties and when I got home at 4:50 I made myself a bowl of salad and chicken salad, but it wasn’t really helping.  We then had to go to my BF’s mom’s house for his brother’s girlfriend’s birthday where I had a small glass of champagne and two glasses of wine, but I refused the cake!  Then when we got home we made mozzarella sticks and jalapeno poppers and I drank more wine…not so good on the no/low carb plan, but I’m down 3 lbs this morning, so I’m totally determined to do better and really stick with it and get my butt in the gym at least 4 times this week and get up early at least twice this week and workout before going to work.

So every single week since the beginning of the year I’ve weighed myself daily and for the most part, during the week I’m down to 197 and then by official weigh in Monday morning I’m up to 200 or 201.  I’ve had enough of this!  I’m letting myself eat whatever I want on the weekends and it’s completely destroying all of my efforts.  Today I’m at 199.6, so yay for the under 200 on a Monday, but I seriously need to get my butt in gear.  I feel like I’m saying this ALL the time, but I’m having my 1920s speakeasy themed bday party on March 14th and I wanted to be down 20 lbs by then, but it doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen.  185…I need to lose 14.6 lbs in a little under 5 weeks…I need to focus focus FOCUS!  It can be done!  3lbs a week…  I need to make my inspiration boards and hang them around my house…particularly on the fridge/pantry and on the bathroom mirror, so that when I’m getting raedy to go out for dinner, I can look at the board and have a visual reminder of what I’m doing.  There is no more time for slacking off!  I cannot waste a single moment.  I have to start getting up early and working out and not making any more excuses about not hitting the gym.  It’s GO time baby!

Ok, so I don’t know if anyone else on here watches The Bad Girl’s Club, but I’m currently watching this past week’s episode and I totally want to be a bad girl!  I love Vegas!  I want to drink and party all night and lay by the pool during the day.  I want to smoke and drink and flirt and dance and fight and just have so much fun.  Is that bad of me?  I don’t understand how 1) girls like this can drink so much…they’re so tiny! How do they not get sick or feel like complete crap the next day? and 2) those drinks have a ton of calories in them!  How do they stay so skinny and sexy?  Grr…it frustrates the hell out of me, but by the end of the year, I swear, if I still want to be a bad girl…I’ll be able to look like one and if I want to act like one, I’ll have that choice.